Most men are invisible to women because women can only see them as characters in the stories they write for their own amusement.

This little ditty came to me after two separate conversations I had this past weekend. I found myself telling both of the women I was speaking with, to "stop making up stories about their man". Neither woman understood me, at first. 

The first woman told me she was having a conversation with a man of interest - and he brought up sex early in their initial conversation. I said I was surprised he would bring up such an intimate subject. I asked her did you ask him for $5000. I mean really, I thought, if we are going to get personal then go for it right? 

She said, 

Woman #1: "When he talked about sex I didn't get the sense that he thought sex was an intimate act. 

Me: "Did he say that?"

Woman #1: Well, no. It's just when men bring up sex early, it sounds generic to me. 

Me: "It doesn't mean he feels sex is generic. If you don't know how he feels don't make it up. That is one of the biggest mistakes women make in budding relationships." We make up stories about a potential mate to fill in the blanks. Then when he does something that fits into the character we've created, we think he is the perfect man. "NOT".

She later found out he believes sex is very much an intimate act and was a bit embarrassed that she would even discuss it outside their conversation.

Don't Make Up Stories. 

Woman #2 found herself on a journey that she would've never made if she didn't make up stories for her new beau. She realized this when she ended up lost in " East Bubble, Never Land". She said her friend stated that he never been to her neck of the woods, "Big City, On the Map" ...

Woman #2 "Since he said he'd never been to my city. I thought he wouldn't want to…” 

Me: interrupting "…miss the opportunity of seeing it for the first time?"

Woman#2: continuing "but when I got there I couldn't find his house."

Me: "and that's when he came to get you, right?" 

Woman# 2: "No. he talked me through the directions.

She said, after that date she didn’t want to see him again. He aggravated her with his indifference. 

Don't Make Up Stories. 

It seems to me when a man wants to see you; he will knock on your door. From Celebrities to CEOs, every man I've ever dated has picked me up and dropped me off at my front door.

OK so there was that one time - I drove three hours for a blind date with a man I met on Black Singles but I was under no illusion. I needed to get away. But I digress.

Yet, we women sometimes treat a man as a character in our screenplay. We give him all types of directions in an effort to get him to the final act: how to win our hearts.

In doing so, unfortunately, we make all types of concessions to enable him to play the part we’ve created, even if it means altering our own roles to that of “mommy”.

These men leave their mothers and come to us expecting us to pick up where their mothers left off. As adults, we are supposed to leave that paternal symbiotic relationship behind us. We are not supposed to continue as if it's some type of Greek mythology where our mate is Oedipus still trying to sex his mother.

If we, women want men in our lives, we need to stop enabling boys.

Please don't misunderstand, I'm not stating that tired cliche "Let a man be a man", either. I think that saying is stupid.

Biologically speaking, however it makes sense! The last time I checked my ova doesn't drop out my womb and go hunt down sperm. Instead, my ovum is electromagnetically-charged and attracts sperm.

If it works like that in nature who am I to try and change the course of action. I keep it simple. No need to try improve on what works.

Feminine energy is magnetic and attracts. Masculine energy is electricity. Put them together and guess what you get? Now granted, I'm single, my bullpen is empty, and it may very well be because I don't make up stories for men. I won't start either. I desire a man and not a son.

That is too much like a M.O.M. (Manually Operated Mother)...

And while I, like most women, have strong nurturing tendencies, I believe, it is best to use those skills when caring for my children and those in the community.

As for men, I believe if you want to understand your role in relation to him, let nature takes its course. 

Leave the stories for your books – and maybe just maybe you too will have a happy ending...